Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
