but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
