at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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