We named our party play list daddy issues
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
