im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
