Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
