proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
