If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
