so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
