if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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