Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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