I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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