Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
