If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
