if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
