everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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