Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
