oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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