We won't sleep together?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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