Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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