Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
