I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
