Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
