i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
