highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
