its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
