i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
