Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
