i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
