These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
