Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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