3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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