My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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