Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
