he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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