I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
