My hand turned me down
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
