I've blown a few things in my day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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