i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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