don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
