Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
