i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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