Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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