My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
