kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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