i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
