Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
