come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
