Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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