Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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