chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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